Wednesday, January 2, 2008


so, i guess it's technically already jan 2nd, but since i'm still awake, this will count as day one of the at least 300 this year that i'm going to write, if that makes sense...

earlier today i was thinking about comparing people. i was thinking about someone i know, and i caught myself thinking, well, at least i don't do ________, like she does. it kind of caught me off guard, and i thought, who cares? why does that make me better and her worse? but i realized that this was the way i'd been looking at not just her, but pretty much everyone else in my life: better or worse than me--sometimes in a general way, and sometimes based on certain categories or criteria, but basically boiling down to being put somewhere on a scale of what i deem best, worst, and all in between.

for some reason, as i thought about writing about this, i decided to find a picture on google that might add to or help express this idea of comparing and how messed up i'm realizing it is. but when i googled "comparing people," i didn't really get a lot of great pictures, so i thought i'd try "judging people."

those are just a couple that came up, but overall they were the same: negative, uncomfortable, mean even.

judging, comparing--i think judging probably sounds worse, but really, they're pretty much the same thing, at least in our social interactions. in the dictionary, they don't really have that similar of definitions--comparing sounds more positive--so maybe it's really judging that i mean more when i think of this negative behavior.

i don't know, because what i see myself doing is looking at what i like and dislike about myself, and then trying to measure that up against other peoples' behaviors and choices and whatnot. i don't know. i haven't really processed it all, but when i thought about this earlier, i thought, this is probably one of the roots of all the mess of society and human nature. categorizing, judging, comparing--whatever you want to call it--this is where we draw lines and pick sides and hurt each other in incredibly stupid and yet deep ways.

i imagine i will have more to come on this as i continue to chew on it...

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