when i was in the check out line at walmart earlier, i had something to blog about, but i seem to have lost it. it was something, because i was feeling pretty overwhelmed this evening--i almost cried right there in the line with the 15 other people waiting to check out (and it wasn't just because it was so ridiculous in there!).
i don't know. today hasn't been a bad day. i've actually had fun, hanging out with friends, eating good food, watching football, helping out a friend's family, not being stuck at home. all good stuff. and yet i still feel so sad. so lost and confused and just plain mad about it all. i want SO much to know what the heck i'm supposed to do next with my life, and yet, every time i turn around i feel still so unsure, so confused and so frustrated and lonely.
i'm 27. i don't have a job. i'm not seeing anyone. i live with my parents. i have no real direction about what i want to do with my life. (insert expletive)
i had a little flash back moment earlier to a time when stuff like this would just totally overwhelm me to the point of just wanting to give up on it all. i thought about that for a moment and then i thought about how that hope is still bubbling up in my heart. painfully. but none the less, still there. i hate some days, some moments and decisions, but i don't hate life like i used to, and i think that's something to feel good about. there is Someone who will never let me go, and has and will NOT fail or forget or leave me, and when i let that sink in, hope bubbles a little more.
i also heard once that when you have a bad day, sometimes the best thing you can do is just to go to sleep and hope that tomorrow is better, which sounds really good right about now.