freedom?

Galatians 5:16-23, The Message

16-18My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?

19-21It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.

22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

This passage really hit me when I read it this morning. I'm definitely going to have to chew on it more, but what jumped out at me first was the description of the "kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time" in verses 19-21.

Every time I read through it, I think, this is insane. Is all that really possible from just trying to get your own way? From just being kinda sorta selfish? I've seen bits and pieces of the truth of it already, in my own selfishness and in others, and it's scary to think about what could really come from it. Very scary.

But the hope of freedom, real freedom. That's something I haven't really wrapped my mind around--can we, really? I've been reading The Shack these past few days, and one of the characters says something about freedom: "Freedom is a process that happens inside a relationship with Him."

I love and hate that. I have this desire to just be able to do whatever I want, to be free of anyone and everything else. Not to need anyone or anything.

But that's not really freedom, is it?

Sounds a lot more like selfishness, which is a scary thought.

So, freedom...a process...found in a relationship...with Him...freedom somehow implying dependence, need, relationship, love. All things that seem the opposite of freedom. Or maybe just the opposite of selfishness, which disguises itself as freedome, but is actually the ultimate slave driver...

hmm...

one last christmas song

i love clever songs and song writers. i hadn't really paid much attention to sara groves, until i recently heard this song on the radio. it's hilarious, and definitely made me interested in hearing more of her stuff. check it out:

Toy Packaging
Sara Groves

Nothing makes me lose my cool like
Toy packaging
Ask the kids to leave the room for
Toy packaging
I have no choice the money's spent
I've worked for hours to make a dent
I guess it's anger management
Toy packaging

Nothing makes me lose my cool like
Toy packaging
Ask the kids please leave the room it's time for
Toy packaging
I'm drawing up a battle plan
to extricate this robot man
My self-esteem is in the can
Toy packaging

In the old days you could hold a box and shake it
And hear the pieces rattling around
My eyes tear up with these grommets, tape and twisty ties
Remembering their beautiful sound

Toy Packaging
I love Toy Packaging
(Mom! Honey!)

Nothing makes me lose my cool like toy packaging
Kids you really need to leave the room, mom's opening toy packaging
I'm sorry you have to see this sight
You must be brave, no please don't cry
I promise it will be alright
I hope to have it by tonight
Nevermind this dynamite
Toy packaging

this link has the song, though i'm not sure it's the whole thing, but you'll get the idea: toy packaging song

books

started reading The Shack recently. i'd heard about it a lot, since the beginning of the fall, and when i heard the author speak at Catalyst in October, i knew i wanted to read it, but it had to be added to my "when the semester's over" reading list. i'm liking it so far, and very curious about what will come of reading it.

also saw a few other books i'd like to look into more: love and respect (don't know the author), taste and see by john piper, and just recently a friend led me to a link for amy carmichael's Things As They Are online, which i'm looking forward to reading. i've wanted to read something by her, or just more about her, for quite a while.

that's about it for today.

there's hope...

found this in an old journal last night:

life doesn't get any easier
it doesn't always get better
there's no guarantee that someday
the pieces will all fit together

then i played around with it and added this:

but i know, i know
there's hope. there's hope.

probably sounds better with me singing it, but maybe not. i've been thinking about this a lot lately: what do you do with the junk life throws you, or that gets thrown at those around you.

i know a number of people who've been in the hospital this week--one, a kid who may have bone cancer. he's 12. i got some very sad news from a friend the other night--their house burned on Christmas eve day, and in the house next door, 3 little boys and a teenage girl died.

what do you do with that? what do you say, as a friend, a follower of Christ.

i really have no clue. all i know is that 2 things keep coming back to me: God saying, Trust Me, and this truth, sometimes very small, that there is hope. period. i have to wrestle with it sometimes to hold on to it, but i know it's worth it.

A Christmas Hymn

Many songs have been sung
Of what happened that night
In a stable in Bethlehem town

A star led to the Savior,
A babe in a manger,
What a curious place for a King to be found

It was a gift that came
Wrapped in hay and tears
After silence that lasted
For 400 years

He seemed a package too small
For a future so grand
An innocent child
With the world in His hands

So how can it be—
The King of Kings sleeps on a bed of hay
Surrounded by shepherds, all singing His praise.
Seems a birth far too common and lowly For a babe so precious and holy,
So small, so precious, so holy

Now that baby grew
To be more than a man—
The Hope of the world,
Our lives in His hands

A promise fulfilled
From the dawn of time
Perfectly human
Completely divine

But in our foolishness,
Like sheep gone astray
We ignored this Good Shepherd
And each went our own way

Yet it was in love He came
To rescue the lost,
So He paid with His life
To spare us sin’s cost

But how can it be—
That our Savior’s wounds could heal our sins,
Or His punishment bring us new life in Him?
Seems too brutal, too cruel and too lowly
For One so precious and holy
Our Savior, so precious, so holy

Now Bethlehem’s star
Points the way to the cross
And history forever changed
As God dwelt among us

It’s a story we know,
But a truth we forget—
From the smallest of things
Came the greatest of Gifts

So in our darkest days,
There’s hope to be found
Because of what started that night
In Bethlehem town

Still, how can it be—
That the greatest story ever told
Began so simple and lowly?
Our Savior was born in a stable—
Messiah, a babe in a manger—
So small, so precious, so holy
So small, so precious, so holy

totally supposed to be doing about a dozen other things right now, such as: helping mom with the food for tonight and tomorrow, finishing Christmas presents, wrapping those presents, writing the rest of the Christmas song, etc.

but, i'm drinking a grande skinny iced raspberry latte from CCs and posting a quick blog. merry christmas!

yesterday mom and andrea and i went last minute shopping. it was actually a lot more fun than i could have imagined. the traffic and whatnot was fairly crazy, but it didn't bother me because the 3 of us had such a good time hanging out. we didn't get on each others nerves, even while running around the mall and walmart! it was truly a blessing and a great Christmas present in itself.

tonight, we have a Christmas eve service at church (actually, in about an hour and a half...). should be pretty cool.

oh, one last thing: i've been thinking about this for a while, and might as well go ahead and post it before christmas, even though it's a bit late for anyone that might be interested in Christmas shopping tips (yes, that's why you're here reading this blog, i know!). so, here are my tips/philosophy on christmas shopping:

1. surprise! this is my number one rule of gift giving--i do NOT like to be told what i'm getting, and i don't do this to other people, because being surprised is my favorite part of getting a gift. big or small, i just love the surprise.

2. personal gifts: i love giving people something that i know they want, but are not necessarily expecting. something i've heard them mention in a conversation or something connected to something they like a lot.

3. making creative gifts: part of this just may be because i'm typically too broke to buy lots of big gifts, but i love if i can make something cool for someone else, esp with pictures or something meaningful.

4. quality time gifts: closely tied to number 3. last year i had no idea what to get for my pre teen cousins, so i made them little gift certificates to go to the movies with me. not as exciting as all the other toys and games they were ripping open, but pretty cool to spend the afternoon with them a few days later watching the Chipmunks movie. these quality time gifts (lunch, coffee) aren't fool proof because i've found it pretty hard to schedule time with people this year for some of their gifts, but i still like the idea of planning to do something fun TOGETHER.

5. when all else fails... CC's gift card. i love coffee, and i love to get CC's gift cards, and give coffee to other people as a present. so, if you get coffee from me this year, it's a gift straight from the heart :)

well, that's pretty much it. i definitely need to get back on track now. night is coming quickly and santa's on his way!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

rebuilding, restoring, and starting over...

lots of different thoughts earlier today, but i seem to be drawing somewhat of a blank right now...so i'll start with a story/picture.



don't worry, this isn't me actually throwing up, but it definitely looked that way. i was at jason's deli yesterday after church and somehow, while telling a story and waving my hands all around, managed to spill my whole bowl of tomato basil soup on me and jason. it was all over my shirt, jeans, shoes, the floor, the table, jason's pants and jacket--EVERYTHING! so gross too, because it totally looked like, well, you know what...but, as i like to think, most anything can become a funny story--somethings it takes a while, but there's still usually something funny to be found. this is funny now, and if i get the stains out of my new shirt, it'll be even funnier.

on another note, something i was thinking about this morning:

"They'll rebuild the old ruins,
raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They'll start over on the ruined cities,
take the rubble left behind and make it new."

This is from the Message, somewhere in the first 7 verses of Isaiah 61. i've always liked this passage, especially the part about the "oaks of righteousness" becaue i LOVE oak trees. but today, this part about building and restoring struck me. we went out the the Habitat for Humanity site in Kaplan today to check out what they're doing and what we'll get to be a part of in January for our Disciple Now youth retreat. there was a lady there who was working on her house and hoping to be in by Christmas. i just thought, wow, this is beyond what i can really imagine or comprehend. similar to being in New Orleans last may during all the disaster relief work--i can't imagine what it'd be like to have a city, your city and home, ruined. and then to rebuild.

i was in india when Katrina hit, and watching it from several thousand miles away was very surreal. to be here now and think about rebuilding, honestly, part of me just thinks, wouldn't be easier to just leave? go somewhere new? start over? and i know many people have. but what boggles my mind is those who have worked so hard to come back, who have that strong feeling of home, even if home will never be the same again. i don't understand that, not really. it was amazing to come back to lafayette after being gone 2 years, but that's not exactly the same. i find that sense of home very interesting and something i think i want more of, to feel settled, invested, willing to work and fight for a place--and not just the land or buildings, but the community, the people, the home-ness, if that makes sense.

i've wrestled a lot with different thoughts about this lately, just thinking how much easier it is to reset, to start over, to move and leave and begin again. not to rebuild or restore, because that's so messy. but i think that God is opening up my heart and mind to that more and more, and i am very interested in seeing what He has in store in 2009...