know and KNOW

So, as I was working on something else in Word 2007, I just rediscovered the blog feature. Ah, I love not having to capitalize and spell check! We'll see how well it actually works.

Started back to school yesterday, and it was actually a pretty good day. I'm taking 3 classes on campus, and one online class. Definitely going to be a lot of work, but also pretty interesting. I'm taking Hermeneutics, Spiritual Formations 2 and intro to the philosophy of religion on campus in Alexandria (extension center technically), and then new testament online. Lots of reading. And writing papers, but from what I saw yesterday, good professors and lots of potential to learn AND go deeper.

I separate out those 2, learning and going deeper, because of something one of our professors said yesterday. I really like Dr Dickerson a lot—really, I respect him and his walk with Christ. He's very sincere and real and passionate and knowledgeable and caring—you don't often see all of those together!

Anyway, this is what he said yesterday that got me: you can know a lot about God, the Bible, etc, and still be spiritually shallow. How painful, and yet how true!

I saw this first with professors who knew so much about God's word and yet didn't know Him at all. And I see it even more now, with myself and others, in the vast amount that we know and the little that we KNOW.

Usually, when I use those two versions of know, I point to my head for know and my heart for KNOW—KNOW implies knowing in a deep and real way, applying and living what you know. that's where I think we tend to fall short all too often today. Where we've somehow totally dropped the ball and started just doing and acting and not being transformed, made new.

Something that's run through my mind lately with this is the idea that seems to be so prevalent (though not verbalized necessarily) that we can not only come to Christ/church just as we are, but that it's ok to also stay that way. like an extended version of "just as I am" or something.

We know and know and know and can quote and do and pretend, but are we really being transformed? Changed? Made new? Are we living what we know?

No, I don't think so. Not overall.

I don't know how we lost this. I don't know how I continue to struggle with it so much. Being so satisfied with head knowledge when my heart is so full of junk. It's like Paul said to the Corinthians—my head gets totally puffed up with knowledge, but it's not balanced with love that would make me able to build others up.

Ugh.

Honestly, it's not something I really want to deal with personally, but I'd love for others to figure it out. To stop being dumb and really live like Christians. Stop planning events and programs and bible studies and start just chewing on and living out what's true. I'd love for everybody else to just get it already.

But, I don't like to face the fact that, really, I have so far to go as well. So much I know and yet don't KNOW. don't really want to KNOW, because that would mean letting go and changing, and it's just so much more comfortable to stay stuck where I am. Most of the time.

So I guess I do know why we stay so stuck, or at least part of it. it's easier to follow rules and guidelines than to really seek change and transformation. Or, at least, it's easier to do that for ourselves, but it sure seems easy enough for everyone else to change. I am the expert on others and their issues and an idiot when it comes to myself and my junk.

But what I really want is to not stay stuck. To grow. To be a spiritual giant. And not out of bragging rights, because really, that defeats the point. But to know and KNOW Him in a way that changes ME and how I interact with others and the world in general. To know a lot about Him, and only have that outweighed by how well I actually KNOW Him.

I think it's going to be a good semester. Lots to chew on, and hopefully some solid steps to take forwards.