it's funny when i open up blogger and see this blog and my india blog and realize how many posts i've already done here, compared to the 2 years i spent there. of course, totally different focuses--that one was always about pictures and stories and what not, and here, well, just me and my ramblings.
anyway, lost was good. very good. so glad i finally got to watch it--gotta love tv online (and NOT having to wait HOURS on end to download it...ugh)
so, self control. still chewing on that one. struggling with it right now--the strong urge to go get another dr pepper and just not care. i have become waaaay too accustomed to instant gratification, which seems to just fuel me wanting stuff more and more, or eating/taking/doing stuff that's there, whether i really want/need to or not.
it's the immediate vs the important.
now, sometimes, what's immediate is also what's most important. someone's bleeding to death in front of me--well, that's both immediate and important, obviously. however, 9 times of out 10 i think i get caught up in just doing what's right in front of me, just getting by and moving on. i don't plan ahead because i'm too busy dealing with what's here and now, and i always feel like i'm playing catch up.
is it just because i'm not really that much of a planner? because i like to go with the flow? i'm good at that, most of the time, but it definitely catches up with me, and i've realized in the past couple of years that it really does pay to be as prepared as possible (especially when it comes to speaking/teaching, which i'm notorious for winging).
but what about everything else? i don't have a 9 to 5 job, and school is pretty flexible too, so i find it very easy to just go through my days, responding to what comes up and taking opportunities as they come, not really planning, or canceling loosely made plans as something better comes up. it's nice, in some ways, to have this kind of freedom, but i also have to wonder what this might be setting me up for in the future...am i developing bad habits now that will only cause more issues later by being so "whatever" about most things?
and the funny thing is, i think i'm kind of jekyll and hyde with this: one minute, i'm flexible, unplanned, etc. the next, watch out--i want it done my way, right now, no questions, etc.
ugh.
i'm reminded of something i read by elizabeth elliot about how balance is both the most essential and most difficult thing for christians (and i'd say humans in general). who wants to develop balance, discipline, self control, etc when i can just do whatever i want? that's a lot more fun, right? no harm done, right?
maybe, maybe not.
and unfortunately probably not.
the friend i was talking to yesterday, she just had a baby a few months back, and when we met, the baby was with her. we were getting coffee, so i asked her about the "rules" for caffeine and babies and breast feeding. she said that from what she'd researched, it was really just about doing everything in moderation to keep you and the baby healthy.
and then she said something that's stuck with me: "i guess that's really the way it is in life in general, pregnant or not, moderation is what keeps us healthy." (this is my paraphrase)
hello.
balance. physically. mentally. emotionally. spiritually. it's so hard, but so essential, because all our flip flopping around only leads to an unhealthy life, in any or all of those categories.
time to stop making excuses. ugh.
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